Rekindle Your Flame

This past week I came to New York to work with Full Figured Fashion Week. I will admit that I tried to get out of it. At first, I was excited that I was chosen to work with them despite the fact that I lived in Florida and the event would be held in New York. Life started throwing blows after another and I was literally fighting to stay afloat. It was too heavy so I had to confide in a few people.  To be honest, I needed their prayers. It’s easy to be surrounded by a room full of people and nobody can see or feel your sorrows.  This has been a skill that I have learned over the years to mask. I am so good at it to the point it becomes too heavy until I have to tell someone something.  So here I am trying to put together a puzzle that I have no clue where the pieces are. I tried to back out of coming to New York but I kept receiving emails until the last day that was due for me to confirm that I could make it after I had already confirmed that I wouldn’t be attending.  I figured that this trip was what I needed so I changed my mind and decided that I wouldn’t share about this trip.

I have no issues with getting in the room with anyone that I deem to be successful. However, it feels like when I get in the room, it doesn’t go any further because I shared things too soon with people who could really careless… Just for a couple superficial likes. I have nothing to prove! I owe it to myself to see the dreams unfold! I won’t discuss the details of this trip but it was the fuel that I needed to light a dimming flame. What do you do when your flame is dimming…find others whose flame is lit and find inspiration to rekindle your own flame.

My close friends and family are witnessing a miracle firsthand and don’t even know it. When God decided it’s time to move in my life and open major doors in my life, please understand it was not me at all. A part of me feels like I am chasing a dream that’s superficial and the other part is too passionate to give up.

This week has made me check myself; It reminded me of who I am and more importantly whose I am. Sometimes, I become timid like I am not GREAT! Not to be cocky but my skills will always speak for itself. It reminded me that if another black woman can do it then who am I that I can’ t! It also reminded me that my access has been granted and that I can get in the room, so I need to take ownership of it.

I hope this long post reminds someone to pick up every dream and go after it full force! Take ownership of your dreams and walk in the Godfidence that God has given you! He won’t lead you wrong or let you fall!

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Overcoming Betrayal

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Over these past few months, I have been gathering my emotions back together. I experienced a season that was hard. I wanted revenge, I wanted to be spiteful and to be quite honest I wasn’t stopping until I received my justice. I am pretty sure I can relate to Taraji in Acrimony. Although my situation wasn’t the same as hers because let’s be clear I wouldn’t have blown my money on that NI****; that’s another rant for a later time. In my case, it was the betrayal of a family member that tried to sabotage my family.

I am really known for turning the other cheek but the disrespect and the nonchalant attitude is what did it for me. I won’t be going into details because I am at peace. However, I figured it would be great to discuss how to overcome betrayal. Let’s be clear when someone close to you betrays you; it’s not a walk in the park. You’re not sweet, you’re not kind and sometimes you say or do things out of anger. People will paint a pretty picture and make you believe that’s something wrong with you for retaliating but the truth is we are all humans who have feelings.

I had sunk to a sunken place that I wasn’t trying to hear nothing. The only thing that made me come down is God. He woke me out of my sleep from a horrible dream and was like if you don’t stop this will be the outcome. I wasn’t giving him the time to validate me. I wasn’t allowing him to be God in my life; when it comes to every situation in my life. Which made me look as if I didn’t trust him. I honestly do but in this case, I wanted revenge and therefore, only he could’ve gotten my attention. I know it’s other people out there that are dealing with this or have dealt with this and haven’t healed. Sharing is caring so here are some tips to overcome betrayal:

  1. Pray, Pray and PRAY! even if you don’t feel like it or you are too angry…My nanny has always taught me to call on JESUS; when I don’t have the right words or I don’t have enough strength to pray. I spent days crying and calling on him.
  2. Separate from the noise! Stop giving life to the situation. Stop telling your friends. Stop talking about it! Just stop feeding it. Nothing can grow if you kill it before it can.
  3. Refocus! The enemy only sends stumbling blocks like setbacks or betrayal to get you so caught up in the problem that you lose sight of what really matters.
  4. Have fun! get out and do something that you enjoy!
  5. Did I forget to mention to pray
  6. Have positive people around you that care about you and don’t want to see you fall

As the days go by the sting will leave and the reason you’ve mad won’t even matter! More importantly, forgive them and let it go! Your heart doesn’t need to be contaminated with bitterness, hatred or rage! Those are blessing blockers! Go get everything God has called for you to get!

🙂 Johnakeshia

Black Panther: 10 Valuable lessons

Like many, the anticipation level for the release of Black Panther was at an all-time high. This is a pivotal time in the African American history that we as a culture needed to experience. For some, this was just another superhero movie but to the African American community, this is the beginning of a revolution. A revolution that revives our community to DREAM big and fight for what’s ours. Black panther taught us 10 key points to revive our community which is listed below.

1.Unity

All around the world we showed up at the box office dressed in our finest African and black attire. When black people show up, we most definitely show out! This movie has brought so much unity and who doesn’t love that. It’s a prime example of how we can unite and like many, you can join forces or go against the grain.

2.Protect your own

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The movie taught us that we should always protect our own before helping out someone else. That goes for family, friends, or the African American community. We should always look out for our own first.

3. Nobody wins when the family feuds

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In the words of Jay-Z ” Nobody wins when the family feuds” this can apply to the movie as well. It taught us life lessons about working together and uniting with one another. When you don’t it brings chaos!

4. A friend stick closer than a brother

Every now again someone will come into your life that’s not blood-related and will have your best interest at heart. Sometimes your own bloodline will betray you but it’s always a friend that will be by your side no matter what!

5.NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

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The movie taught us that things are never what they appear to be. You’ll find out that if you judge someone or something based on appearance it will indeed prove you wrong.

6.Watch the People in your camp

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This lesson was illustrated throughout the movie and can indeed apply to our personal lives. A wise person, once said that everyone who says they’re  your friend isn’t a friend. Be wise and take inventory of who you involve yourself in every relationship.

7. Be careful how you treat people because you never know who you might need

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There is an old saying that says ” Treat people how you want to be treated because you just might need that person again.” It’s funny how your enemy might be the person to save your life! Apply this golden rule if you take nothing from the movie, remember this one.

8.Aint nothing like a mama’s love

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The movie taught us the power of a mother. If your mom has your back then that’s all you really need because she will go to bat for you, when nobody else will.

9.Sometimes you’ve to right all the wrongs

Sometimes in life like the movie you’ll find yourself paying for issues that you didn’t create. However, it’s up to you to fix the circumstances and right the wrongs of your forefathers.

10. The power of a black woman

If you’ve ever been confused about the power of a BLACK WOMAN than the movie illustrated the perfect example. It showcased the proper order of a black woman and many strengths and weaknesses that she might have. Nevertheless, it left you feeling empowered to be not just a woman but a BLACK woman! Black women are Gold, strength and the neck of any man! We build them up so that they can function and without us they’re weak! The black woman is STRENGTH.

If you’ve watched the movie and it didn’t leave you feeling like “Black is the thing to be” then perhaps you should go back and look for those above nuggets!

Signed Johnakeshia

Stupid For An NI***: We have all been here!

I couldn’t think of an appropriate title for this topic of discussion, blunt as I can possibly be I attacked it head-on. I was driving down the road and I started recalling multiple warning signs that I’ve encountered while dating. Every warning sign, I IGNORED! I started to wonder why do I do that? Ladies, why do we ignore our BEST FRIENDS or FAMILY members when they see the person we are dating? Why do we learn things the hard way instead of letting that loser go before we sink too deep into something that it will hurt like hell to get out of?

Those are questions that I had to ask myself because I can attest that I have been STUPID for a NIGGA or two! I mean there has got to be some kind of sister code that we can follow so that we won’t fall into the SAME OLE TRAPS!

Heartache hearts like a MUTHA and too many bruises will leave you in shambles. I am no relationship coach but I kind of come to the conclusion that somewhere in this area I have been toxic and doing things all wrong. I have had enough of learning things the hard way. I have decided that my closes friends and family have my best interest at heart. So when they say “Idk about that one” then, I should possibly reconsider. I remember being the person on both ends of the spectrum. I have had friends who I have bluntly told to let that dude go and they’ve ignored me, but also backtracked and told me that I was right. I have also dated guys that none of my family or friends liked and had to learn the hard way about what they saw in him or them.

Excuse my French because somewhere in my mind this ghetto girls shows up and all I hear is this simple rule: STOP GIVING THESE NIGGA’S THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

I believe that’s the number one reason, we will ignore the truth when we hear it! Another reason could be because we have given TOOOOOOO much of ourselves too fast. The downfall of wanting to be in a relationship or even married is that we are willing to devalue ourselves as women so that we can say we have a piece of a man. Anytime, a guy approaches we paint this fairytale picture that includes a wedding, family, and love that the guy knows nothing about. I mean we barely even know the guy but like a time machine, we click on and ask the same question is this the one! HONEY, I KNOW because this is MY TRUTH! I feel like what happens is that we are too engulfed in our own fantasy world that we hate to pull away. So we ignore every sign possible, which leaves us being stupid for an NI***! At some point, you’ve to wake up and start LOVING YOU! Start taking accountability for your actions and reevaluate your actions. At some point, you’ve to reach a point where you’re tired of being stupid for an NI***! It’s certain things I am not tolerating and I could careless if I have an “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR ATTITUDE” but you GON RESPECK ME and I will RESPECT, LOVE, HONOR MYSELF and listen to my friends if they give SOUND ADVICE!C’mon, you know which friends to listen to and which ones to ignore! I guess this will conclude my rant but it was heavy and I needed to share!

-A woman who is leveling up

The Power of Habits

While on a casual outing with the opposite sex, a question was asked, what annoying habits do you have? I begin to ponder on that question and couldn’t think of any annoying habits. I mean I am goofy and play a lot but other than that I don’t think I have any annoying habits. However, that’s something that has to reveal itself within time.

I begin to think of the power of habits. Habits are created whether it’s good or bad. Bad habits are easy to create and do than good habits. However, every successful person has mastered the gift of discipline from habits.

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For the next 21 days, I have entered into a covenant with a group of individuals that states I am going to perform four goals every day with no excuses. In this group, we have to hold each other accountable. Creating these small goals is creating good habits.

My four goals are making my bed every day, listening to a podcast, sending a motivational text and meditating for an hour. Simple goals right? Welp, it sounds easier than done; especially, when you’re used to doing things a certain way.

This past week I’ve been woken up at 3:30 a.m. – 4 a.m. for some strange reason but in that time I have been able to meditate and spend time with God. However, I am not going to lie, this morning, I told the lord to hold on because I was TIRED! between work and school and getting up that early, my body was like not today LORD! (It’s my blog and my post so don’t judge my  truth) Here is a perfect example of good habits and bad habits. I understand that the lord is waking me up that early because it’s the only time that I can spend with him before my day gets started. Good habits forming is waking up and getting in the right posture even when you don’t feel like it.

Making my bed every morning is so simple but sometimes it’s not made because I pressed the snooze button a trillion times and have to rush out the house in order to make it work. Are you catching the drifts of habits? Although I hate waking up in the morning, I am making a habit of getting up and preparing my day which includes making my bed.

So the next time, I am asked what bad habits I have, I can answer I am currently dishing the habit of lateness, procrastination, and laziness. I am replacing those habits with time management, proactive, and productive.

If you want to be successful you’ve to dish those old habits!

Single And Dating

Single, 30 and dating, you would think that this process would get easier but it actually gets harder. However, I believe that every successful relationship comes with a strategy and boundaries.

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Eventually, you become tired of playing games with the same type of men or women if you’re a man reading this post. After dating a few men and listening to them. I have come to the realization that women simply fall to fast for a man. We never think about our approach to dating. We find someone that catches our interest and then once they have it, we put all of our eggs in one basket. An ex of my mine mom told him to not put all his eggs in one basket while dating me. I was highly offended but I thank his mammy for that advice because it taught me these next principles.

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I have been the victim of playing the fantasy game. You know daydreaming of a relationship that simply doesn’t exist and preparing for a future that the other person isn’t aware of. You know it takes two to tangle so here are some principles that I am applying to dating this go round. Below are my rules for this dating game:

  1. Don’t be too available: I have things to do and this moment my time is limited so even if I have time I need for him to think that I am unavailable!
  2.  Date Multiple Men: Yep, I am dating two to three men at a time. I have let them know that while dating them that I will be seeing other people and if they decide that I am who they want then they will prove it with their actions.
  3. Boundaries: I said I was dating three men not SLEEPING with them. Yall know I am celibate by now. So I have to make sure I date in a respectable manner. Meaning I am not coming over for Netflix and chill. If you want to see me then take me out. If I want to see you then I will take you out as well. Plus, my bishop says, why buy the cow when they get it for free! Everyone woman has a vaginal but every woman isn’t me. They don’t have my personality, heart, hustle or brains!
  4. Last but not least, I won’t be so tough! My dad tells me all the time that I am headstrong and sometimes the man might like me a lot but because of my strong will they don’t know how to tell me. He then said for me to stay that way. Welp ladies, let your yes be yes and your no be no!

I am a firm believer that men are natural pursuers and if a man wants you then darling he will do whatever it takes to get you.

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This means we have to actually have something that interests them since you’re not busting it wide open for a real or maybe fake nigga. This gives you time to see who they are as a person and if you want to be involved with them. Wherein before if I would have bust it wide open then the sex would have clouded my judgment.

I am dating multiple men and I am proud of it! The moment you realize that you’re valuable and understand your worth is the moment you start acting like it.

Johnakeshia

Living In My Truth

A casual conversation between my style friends taught me the most important lesson of life! This lesson would be to live in my truth. No matter how brutal the truth is to always live in it.

That conversation stuck with me and made me accept the fact that I am no perfect! My truth is sometimes ugly but it makes a beautiful ending. My truth is also for others to be set free and live in their truth without shame!

Last night, Oprah Winfrey reminded me of those same words that left me full of zest! Oprah’s speech left women and young girls around the world inspired. She shared a story that how at a young age she watched Sidney Poitier become the first African American man to receive the Cecil B. de Mille award. Years later that same little girl is the First African American woman to receive the same award. Many other parts of her speech left the room standing on their feet as she spoke of the future for women!

However, the most important part of her speech was “What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we have.”