As I discussed in my last post that I’ve decided to follow Jesus, I failed to mention the part that in my yes lied purity. Yes, I have decided to remain pure until my husband finds me or I stalk him. LOL.
I tried to be celibate a couple years ago and to be honest, I was going on four years and then I broke.It was my fault I decided to bust it wide open for a fake n****. In my process of being a heathen and going backward, I decided that I wasn’t going to be Ms. perfect. My hormones begin to rage uncontrollably and I couldn’t hold out any longer. My flesh was weak I will admit but it would be because I relocated myself from the foot of Jesus.
To be honest I tried to stop it. I mean I prayed before I let go. I asked God for help but even in my pleading, I didn’t have enough self-control. To be honest I don’t believe that I wanted to be controlled. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wasn’t ready for the “church life.” I was tired of praying for everyone else and see God move but when it came to me he was moving like a turtle. I was tired of the same oh same oh ! I got bored! I was tired of being the person everyone ran to with their problems and I would literally pray for them until I got a response! It seemed like my friends were too consumed with their issues or weren’t dedicated enough to pray for me the same way. I was getting so much backlash from my family until I just said bump it! I am going to do me!
In doing what I wanted to do I ran back to an Ex whom I didn’t want to live without. One night I was at his house with my bags in tow. Here we are laying in bed watching a movie and someone taps on his window. He grabs his gun and approaches the back door. I am still in bed until I hear a female screaming at the top of her lungs. I mute the tv because I wanted to make sure I heard correctly. I then hear another female voice. I jump up and put my clothes on and turn the lights on.I am sitting on the bed, looking dumb and praying to God that he gets me out of this foolishness. I call my sister and send her the address. 30 minutes later she is outside with my cousin and I walk out the door to three females. We looked at each other and I got the HELL up out of there. LOL! You would think I would’ve learned my lesson but nope! Stupid is what stupid does. After playing Russian roulette with my life it’s best that I take this purity oath! I have heard the comments from family members about how I need to test drive it before marriage but to be honest I need to clink clink until marriage! It’s so much more to me than being a causal F^** friend. I’ve so much to offer to the right man and I DESERVE much more than what I’ve been accepting. So here is some truth behind my yes!
Wait for the book HONEY, I’ve much more to reveal!
Signed an ex whorebag!